By: Amanda Vann, Esq.
301-563-6685
avann@a-f.net
1. Don’t Be Emotionally Charged When Contemplating Divorce
Going through a divorce in an emotional process, but you shouldn’t make decisions about your divorce when you are emotionally charged. This means that before making a decision regarding your divorce, such as divorce filing, settlement of an issue, division of an asset, custody, or support determinations, these decisions should not be taken lightly and should be given ample time to contemplate and ensure you know what you are doing. Making a decision about your divorce while emotionally charged is never a sound choice. You should always take time to digest what is happening to ensure you aren’t just making a decision because of your emotions.
2. Don’t Compare Your Divorce to Other People’s Divorces
Every single divorce is different, from what led to the divorce to the issues between two spouses that need to be resolved. What works in one divorce won’t work for others. Certainly, you will have friends, coworkers, and neighbors, all of whom have gone through a divorce. But you can’t compare divorces and shouldn’t make decisions about your divorce based on what happened to others. Your friends, coworkers, and neighbors may mean well, but they aren’t looking out for your best interests and you should.
3. Don’t Think That Going to Court and Having a Judge Decide Your Case Is the Only & Best Option
No one “wins” in a divorce. The time, financial, and emotional stress that litigation causes most always means there is no “winner.” Even if a judge finds in your favor on every issue, you still have incurred endless hours of worry, contemplation, and emotional stress all of which does not allow for you to fully move forward in your new life. Focus on the future and use court if warranted, but don’t make court your first venue.
Consider alternatives to reach settlement other than a judge deciding a case. It is undisputed that litigating a contested custody case is very expensive. Seek counsel from an attorney, enlist the help of a third-party neutral mediator, and seek help from professionals that can assist the two of you in coming to a resolution on your matter efficiently. The road to divorce through the courts is a long and costly road and should be given much thought before deciding that is the path you want to take.
4. Be Honest with Your Attorney & Yourself on Your Goals
There is no point in paying for legal counsel if you aren’t going to honest with yourself and your attorney about your goals. You need to be open and honest with your attorney regarding the facts of your case, the good and the bad, so that your attorney can educate you and assist on navigating through the facts to get you an outcome that meets your goals. If you aren’t honest with your attorney about the facts, you may be causing harm to your case that can make it very difficult for your attorney to obtain the results you are seeking.
5. Listen to Your Attorney
Why pay for advice if you aren’t going to use it? It’s true that going through a divorce can be a very emotional process, but your attorney can educate you and tell you the good and bad about your case and can make recommendations to you that will assist you not only now, but also long after your divorce is over. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you—instead, empower yourself with the knowledge you need to move on with your life. Attorneys cannot change the facts and can’t change the laws, but they can give you guidance to help you get through one of the most difficult times in your life that will allow you to get to the light at the end of the tunnel and move on with your life.
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